Friday, May 20, 2011

Traveler without a destination

I have walked a fine line in life. Between the good and the evil both beckoned my call to do both. But with power comes great....well you get the rest. The past 10 years have brought me closer to understanding what my purpose is here on this blue dot in the galaxy. I have seen many change's to technology and personal gain as well as loss. My grandmother past away about a month ago. I will miss the lunches and dinners she made, the smell of the house and the taste of her home cooking. She was the one who had me thinking about life and what it meant. Without her in my life I would have never picked up a book and read. Her favorite is still mine, Steven King. Her favorite book is Rose Madder. I am about to read it myself. Most people are greedy and want money or something worth a dollar or two from a relative that has past. I wanted nothing more then the books she had. To my surprise in her will she left me the books, all of them. I knew since the last time I seen her this year was going to bring in some grey clouds, but when she went she still had her mind and I got to say goodbye. I'm tearing up a bit here but thats ok, where ever she resides now she is a much better place. Claire, my grandmother, was the nicest and most giving person I have and most likely ever meet. She was a painter all her life, the pictures came to life when she drew and pasted the pastels on the canvas. For my birthdays years ago I had her paint me the original Command and Conquer cover, the one with the soldier with goggles looking at a base being blown up. It still is the best gift I have even received. Two years ago she had me pick out any paintings of hers, when I picked them out she gave them to me, telling me she did not think she had long left on this earth and did not want them to go to anyone else that would either get rid of them or something the like. But before she went, I told her about the book, everything, how long I have been thinking about it and the ideas I had. I sat down and talked my head off for however long while she listened to me. That is why I am dedicating the book in her name, she was the greatest influence in my life and I miss her dearly. I even have the last stuffed pepper she made me in the freezer. I will never get rid of it, as my wife said I should keep it, hell maybe ill eat it someday. You see I thought I was prepared in a way on how to deal with her passing. I work at the hospital and deal with death every single day. I cried the hardest at a friends funeral a long time ago, but I know why I tried not to cry and why I only tear up, she would not want it that way, no one crying no one mourning, even though I had to go to church the following Sunday(Did it to appease my mother, she is the greatest) I know in my heart and mind she would rather have me read a good book in her honor. At least a Steven Kin or Koontz. Well Grandma I am going to finish the book and write a couple of more after. Where ever you are, I hope you can get a copy, it is gonna kick some ass.

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